Nonexistent.
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: A side story about a woman's search for her dead beloved named Ryuen...


Disclaimer: Fushigi Yuugi belongs to Yuu Watase and all publications associated with it. I love Ryuen and so that's why I made this three years ago...  
  
From all the talk, I thought he had been doing well. But as time passed, I found out...  
Without warning...  
...and cried on the spot...  
Why...why did this have to happen?  
  
Nonexistent  
by Yui Miyamoto  
  
I hesistantly entered the home. Actually, I really wanted to run in and see that it wasn't true. It CANNOT be.  
As I was ushered to the den to speak with Rokou-san, tears started to fall unexpectedly and they wouldn't stop. So, when he entered the threshold of the house, he ran over to me with full of concern. "What is wrong, Mei-Ling?"  
I looked deeply into his eyes. Very deeply as I began to shake from fear of the reality of it all. "Answer me honestly, Rokou-san."  
"Yes?"  
"Tell me..." I looked away with my eyes pointing to one side of the room. Then, I looked straight into his eyes hesitantly. My eyes looked from side to side. "Is Ryuen really dead?"  
  
Silence.  
  
I grabbed gently on his collar. "Tell me!"  
"No." I shook my head in denial. "No. No! NO!! Ryuen!"  
It was then that I fell limp onto the floor sobbing like the whole world could hear me. And I gave no sense of shame at this situation I was causing for myself.  
"Why didn't you tell me?" I sobbed even more. Waving my hands gently in the air, I continued, "Do you know how much it HURT to find this out? I only found out by the other villagers."  
  
Silence still.  
  
I mumble, "How long has it been?"  
"Two years," he answered with a grave voice.  
My heart broke so completely that you could see it bleed from my eyes. I don't know if you could have heard the crack, but I felt the impact. "I felt it and travelled two years to get here."  
Looking up at him, I said, "Rokou-san, you've got to show me where you have the pearl."  
"No!" He became defensive. "It's mine."  
I got up slowly and walked over to him. Holding onto his arms, I beg, "Please...Rokou-san.."  
"One..." Before I knew it, I was falling to the floor. "..gaishimasu..."  
I fell into Rokou-san's arms as I was about to hit the floor. As I look into his face with a miserable expression on my own, he gives in. "Okay."  
Supported by his arm, I walk into the shrine set up to Ryuen. I was given incense and I prayed to my beloved.  
As I prayed, so many questions came to mind. And they flowed out continuously..."Where did you go? How did you die? you said you were coming back to me..."   
  
I cannot think anymore.  
  
From my pocket, I took out a folded piece of paper that had a picture of Ryuen. I drew it while he near a lake.  
I made you do it...  
I placed it near the large orb. I then felt a warm hand over mine.   
  
Ryuen!  
  
"Ryuen?" I got up and look from side to side in alertness. "Ryuen? Doko desu ka? Ryuen?"  
Rokou-san grabs my shoulders. "What is wrong with you? You're growing delierious."  
I pulled away. "But Rokou-san, you know I would not joke about something like this."  
"I know, but I think you're taking this harder than I am."  
"Rokou-san?"  
Through my tangled hair, he saw my eyes.  
"Yes, Mei-Ling-san?"  
But still, I was not strong enough to hear all this. So I clenched my hands over one another and look desparately back at Rokou-san to ask, "H-how did he die?"  
"A seiryuu seishi."  
"Where is Suzaku no Miko?"  
"In her own world with the one named Tamahome."  
"You know, Rokou-san." I wanted him to tell me what I really wanted to know. "Tell me."  
"My brother is at peace. He told me."  
"You saw him?"  
He nodded. "I didn't want to hurt you more by telling you the details."  
"He died saving a woman." I turned away trying to hold back my slight jealousy and hurt. "Am I right?"   
Taking steps towards the door, I put on my hood.  
"Where are you going?" he asks me.  
"To find Suzku No Miko, of course."  
With that, I walked out without turning back.  
  
After weeks of searching, I met two men on foot.  
"Sorry to bother you two travellers, but do you know where I can find Suzaku No Miko?"  
The red-headed one happily answered, "Yeah! She's in her own world! We are her Seishi-"  
"Let me guess, from your aura, I feel Chichiri and Tasuki!"  
"How did you know?!" he asked surprised.  
"She is connected to Nuriko no da," Chichiri answered while patting him on the shoulder.  
At the mention of his name, I bursted into silent tears. "Ry-Ryuen..."  
"Who are you?" Chichiri asked as he patted me on the shoulder trying to console me.  
"I'm so sorry for being rude." I bowed respectfully. "I am Mei-Ling...fiancee of Ryuen."  
"F-fiancee?!" Tasuki blurted out.   
I got up with a curious look in my face. "Yes. Why are you so surprised?"  
Tasuki-san looked over at Chichiri.  
Matter-of-factly, I state without flinching, "Yes, I know he dressed like a woman. It was for his sister, Kang-Lin."  
Their eyebrows rose. "Well, that's half of it."  
Now MY eyebrows rose. "Y-you mean there's more?"  
Tasuki knelt on one leg and said, "We were surprised because you wore his clothing...And, I know you don't want to hear this, but...he...he was in love with another man."  
"What man?" I shook my head as if I had heard wrong.  
"Hotohori-sama."  
"Who is Hotohori-sama?"  
"The emperor."  
"..."  
I knelt and gently placed my hands on his shoulders. Tears emerged once more but I smiled at him anyway through the pain. "But did he die not because of Suzaku no Miko, but for her? Wasn't he in love with her?"  
"You're not suprised about Hotohori, either?" They blinked their eyes at me.  
"No. I know Ryuen too well....he told me that." I take out the stack of letters in my purse to show them. "I wrote to him. And he wrote back to me as Kang-Lin from the palace."  
"Oh..." They both nodded.  
Rokou appeared in the distance while calling my name, "Mei-Ling!"  
"Rokou-san?" Chichiri and Tasuki questioned.  
"What are you doing here?" Tasuki asked.  
Out of breath, he answered, "I had...to...help...Mei-Ling."  
I turn around with a smile. "You didn't have to. I told you I can do this by myself. Didn't I travel two years just to get to you?"  
A red light appeared and a girl falls to the ground with a handsome young man.  
"Ow!" She groaned while rubbing her skirt.  
"Here." The man offered her his hand to help her up.  
I bowed before her. "You must be Suzaku no Miko."  
"Y-yes?"  
I lifted up my head. "Please forgive me."  
SLAP!!!  
She held her face in shock. The one called Tamahome shouted angrily at me, "What did you do that for?!"  
"She is the reason Ryuen died!" I look away and shook more in anger, hurt...whatever.   
"Nuriko..." Tamahome and Suzaku no Miko said at the same time.  
My emotions said the thing I wanted to hold back, "My Ryuen died and you can still live in your world with your loved one!"  
Rokou-san came over while I cried uncontrolably. His arms went around me to stop me.  
"Rokou-san?" I asked  
"Mei-Ling."  
  
That voice!!!  
  
"R-ryuen?"  
"Just close your eyes and come with me."  
Through the noise of branches and leaves rustling, I knew we are deep in the forest.  
After a while, he lets go of my hand and kissed it. "I'm sorry, Mei-Ling."  
Still with my eyes closed, I wrapped my arms around him lovingly. "Why did you leave me? Why did you fall for others when you had me?"  
He embraced me even more. "Because...I didn't love you."  
My eyes opened. Excruciating pain starts to tangle within my heart. "Y-you didn't?"  
"I couldn't."  
"Why?"  
"I couldn't love you if my brother already did."  
"Rokou-san?"  
"I've got to leave now. I have to be reincarnated."  
"Ryuen?" I held on steadfast to his clothes. "No, don't let me go. Not yet! Ryuen!"  
Right then, his arms went around me even tighter than before. I felt tears from his eyes upon my neck. "I lied."  
And I felt his presence leave me again. My arms felt as if they were dead weights. I had died right there. I could if I really wanted to...  
Rokou-san, who is in front of me, grabbed my shoulders worriedly. "Daijobu? Mei-Ling! Speak to me!"  
I was so dazed that I got up without really hearing him. I averted my body towards no particular place. Where do I live?  
It wasn't my hometown anymore.  
"He...he did it on purpose..." Blurry...thump.  
  
[flashback]  
"Yes, Mother," I answered obediently with a blush as I sat next to Ryuen.  
We are going to be married when we grow up.  
At the grass near the flowing river I asked, "We're going to get married?"  
I looked at him. We're only seven and yet this what we were asking each other.  
"But you like me, right, Ryu=chan?"  
"Mm-hm." He smiles and holds my hands. "I do. I'll always protect you."  
  
At the riverbank, eight years later...  
"I'll draw your picture." I pulled on his sleeve while smiling. "Come on."  
"Don't make her wait, Ryuen Ni-chan." Rokou-san answered.  
"Okay."  
He sat and looked at the river. He turns his head and smiled with a victory sign.  
"Now, don't make me laugh." I giggle anyway. "Hahahaha..."  
As I walk closer, I tripped. When I open my eyes, it was Rokou-san who had held me. "Daijobu?"  
"Genki. Thank you." I got up and started drawing my Ryuen. When I finished, I unknowingly hold his face with a great burden inside my heart.  
"What?" Wiping my tears he asked, "Why? Why are you crying?"  
"I have a feeling you will leave me someday."  
At that moment, he looked at Rokou-san.  
"What?" I questioned both of them  
They looked away from me and I knew that was not good at all...  
  
Months later, the night before he was going leave, we walked by the river bank and I leaned on the tree looking up at the moon.  
I grabbed him. "Uso yo! Uso...Don't leave me, Ryuen."  
"But I have to leave."  
"Why?" I searched his eyes. "Because...It's because I love you."  
"That doesn't make sense. Then why go?"  
He embraces me tightly and shakes his head. "I'll come back."  
"Promise?"  
"Yakusoku." He leaned down to kissed me. "I promise."  
  
[end of flashback]  
I slowly rose from the bed in tears.  
All those times...it was Rokou-san who always caught me.  
Rokou-san ran to me. "Thank Suzaku that you are alright!"  
He's the one who hugged me. "I thought you were going to die with the fever, Mei-Ling!"  
Still dazed from Ryuen's confession, I wearily said, "He said he lied to me."  
Rokou-san wrapped his arms around me and cried. "He is truly a good brother."  
I sighed.  
"Do not doubt. Do not EVER DOUBT that he DID LOVE YOU."  
"Then why-"  
"He did it for me. He knew I was in love with you. He made me tell him while we were drinking..."  
  
[flashback from Rokou's point of view]  
"Rokou."  
"Hai, Aniki?"  
"I'm leaving in a few months to go to the court." He put down his cup.  
"Hontou?! But you can't leave! What will happen to Mei-Ling? You will come back, won't you?"  
"I'm not worried about that." He turned his head. "You will protect her."  
"Me? But I'm such a coward!"  
"If I didn't love her and if i didn't love you, do you think I'd give her to someone who loves her less than I do, Rokou?"  
My cup fell to the floor.  
  
He had known all this time...  
  
[flashback end and back to Mei-Ling's persp.]  
  
"It was you, Rokou-san?"  
"I'll protect you forever, Mei-Ling." He held my shoulders.  
"You'll never let me go?"  
Shaking his head, he answered, "No, never."  
"Then...I accept."  
Hugging me, he tried to console me and answer my questions. "He lied Mei-Ling because he loved you too much. Why do you think he left? It was for both of us. And even if he loved another man or woman, I don't think he loved them as much as he loved you. You were HIS Mei-Ling. The one who accepted him when Kang-Lin died, when he kept her alive, when you knew the danger of him being a suzaku seishi."  
After crying a bit, he continued, "He went to the palace to uphold Kanglin and tried to forget about you."  
  
I later apologize to Suzaku no Miko. She accepted it kindly...  
I can see what Ryuen sees now...  
  
One day, as Roukou and I walk through the business section of town, I saw two chileren pass one another. I hold onto my stomach which held our unborn baby as it kicked inside of me.  
"Look over there, Rokou." I nodded towards the two children who look at each other curiously.  
"They look like Ryuen and Kang-Lin!" he commented happily and with a tinge of shock.  
The two children go their separate ways with their parents tugging their hands in opposite directions.  
I nodded and smiled to myself while walking away with my hand in Rokou's. As I glanced back, I found the little boy of seven looking right back at me with a face that I will never be able to describe....  
"Oh!" I held my hand to my mouth almost going to cry and smile at the same time.  
""What are you looking at?" Rokou asked as he noticed I had let go of his hand.  
"The boy. He looked at me."  
Roukou gave a little laugh. "That's easy. His memories will always be with him wherever or whomever he is reincarnated to become."  
"O-okay." I nodded my head.  
  
"If he ever truly forgot you, then it would have been as if nothing ever existed for him. He told me that...before he left."  
  
With tears in my eyes, the little boy blinked and smiled at me but still held a curious expression on his face as he looked back at me while being tugged by his mother.  
  
I guess so...  
Closing my eyes for a second, I bowed and placde my hand over my heart. I will never forget you either, Ryuen...  
...my beloved Ryuen...  
  
Then, I turned around and didn't look at the boy again.  
  
--  
Author's note: Wow, I didn't know I made this long ago. But I still love it. 


End file.
